If I were with you - Written and composed by Ntsaki C Cabana

I had my eye out for something new.
My eye went spontaneously straight to you.
The bad boy with the hood rolling gangsta crew
Who talks mean to errbody but his boo
Club hoppin with my girls when I saw
You pimped out, lookin gangsta but not to raw
Stops out, approached me with you best
The only answer I could conjure was yes

I wanted to get with you babe
You tried to get with every skirt in your way
I tried to work round your habit til the day
I realised you're not my taste

And if I were with you
I'd be sad
We'd be drivin each other mad
But no I'm not with you
I'm so glad,
Being without you is not so bad
Yeah if I were with you
HA!
I wouldn't have what I have
I'm so happy now.
Now that i'm not with you
So thanks to you
I'm so in love with my baby boo.

You wanted to touch
You wanted to feel
It wasn't too much
I wanted you too
Ohhhh
But
It wasn't just me
As if you were free
That wasn't my steez
I had to let
GOOOO!!

And if I were with you
I'd be sad
We'd be drivin each other mad
But no I'm not with you
I'm so glad,
Being without you is not so bad
Yeah if I were with you
HA!
I wouldn't have what I have
I'm so happy now.
Now that i'm not with you
So thanks to you
I'm so in love with my baby boo.

The Real Bi-Blarbie. Written by NtsakiC Cabana

So I'm strutting my stuff
In my 5 inch heels
Got some doobie on the stove
And I'm lovin how I feel

Eff what you heard
I'm the real Bi-blarbie
And you know I'm absurd
Can't stay away from me
Wanna wanna get this bird
Coz i'm the real Bi-Blarbie
And my *Hmmm* is absurd
But you don't have to take it from me

I can lickie lickie lickie till it POP
And you never never gonna wanna STOP
We can go and go and go until you DROP
I let you beat it beat it beat it like a COP

Oh yeah!

Coz I'm plastic
Plastic, fantastic
Flex like elastic
Gottem honies getting spastic
Fantastic!

YEAH!

So I'm strutting my stuff
In my 5 inch heels
You got my shit on repeat
And you love how I feel

I'm a bitch,
I know.
And you're a snitch
Cos you can say so
But I don't stop it stop it
Tell 'ey Drop
I keep them hater heads
Spinning like a top
Coz I can be for you
Your distorted fantasy
The one that you wish
You could be
FULL TIME!
HAAAA!
An ya'll gon fill it fill it
Dat I'm de illes illes
Da way I kill it
Make your little heads go
Tick Tick Tick
BOOM!

So I'm strutting my stuff
In my 5 inch heels
You got my shit on repeat
And you love how I feel

I'm not gon' take your lady from you
But she wanna follow me
I let you tag team with me on her
I'ts the highest I'ma bid

K, thanks, bye!

Eff what you heard
I'm the real Bi-blarbie
And you know I'm absurd
Can't stay away from me
Wanna wanna get this bird
Coz i'm the real Bi-Blarbie
And my *Hmmm* is absurd
But you don't have to take it from me

Cos we can lickie lickie until it POP
And we nuh  never fi gwaan fi wanna STOP
Nah we go gwaan and gwaan and gwaan and gwaan and gwaan
Mi fi let ya Dooguh-dooguh like a COP

I Don't Wanna Be Without You (Written and composed by Ntsaki C Cabana)

In your eyes I see
Nothing new
Nothing new.
And in my heart I feel
This can't be true
I can't dream us back together
And I can't live without your love
And I can't breathe
And I can't sleep
No I can't be

I don't wanna be without you
Coz to my heart you're
A beautiful rose
But I hurt when I'm with you
Because your rose
Has the sharpest thorns
And I don't know which way to choose
Coz either way
It seems I'm destined to lose
So baby tell me what to do
Because I can't stand this pain anymore
(No I can't stand this pain anymore)

Baby we've been pretending
All this time
That we're just fine
We can fool our minds
But not our hearts
Your the one I hate
When we're together
The one I'd die
If I lived without
And I don't know
How this should go
Boy, all I know

CHORUS

Miss you much Written and composed by Ntsaki C Cabana

In every thought
I see you.
I feel you in my dreams
I had it all,
But I betrayed you
Now you are all I need

Wish I'd never
Given up on us
Tell me
When did we throw in the towel
Wish I'd never
Broke your little heart
Coz what goes round
It sure does come around

Boy I miss your smile
I miss your face
I miss your hugs
Your warm embrace
And I miss your love
I miss your touch
I miss your spunk
And I miss you much

I miss you much x8

You held my heart
You still do
You owned it from the start
I hope you still
Think miss love fantasise
About me
Manipulative as it seems

PRE CHORUS

CHORUS

When I think
I start to cry
And when I breathe
It hurts
Boy I can't help
But try
Though I still get
No comfort
And I need you
To know
That I can't let you go
Becasue I miss you
Because I miss you
Oh!

CHORUS til fade.

Sex History - Written and composed by NtsakiC Cabana

VERSE 1:
Boy I see you staring.
You should just take a pic -
It'd last you a little more.
And I know I got  you excited.
Just the tent in your jeans
Was a small little giveaway.
Yeah I know that you want this
Not a sane man in sight
Would ever give me a miss
So put it on me all night
When it's just me and you
It's explosions like dynamite
PRE-CHORUS:
We'll be turnign upside down
From yellow to green
Just like a twister baby
We'll be going round and round
From the bed to the floor
To the feezer then the stove
When its cold we'll be hot and makin

CHORUS
We'll be making Sex (sex) history
In the back of the car
In the back of the club
On the floor
Underneath the bed
We'll be making sex (sex) history
Boy I swaer I'ma please
If you give it a squeaze

VERSE 2:
And now we're going through the motions
Hmmmm.
All this (#Moan) in the air
Got me high and I can't come down
And there's no way to get around this.
Gotta climb climb climb
From here til we reach the Sun
We got all day, Ain't nothin gonna stop this
Boy I know where I stand
But you gonn' make me your number one
Coz I don't stop, I'll keep going
You can't tap out yet
Boy the fun has only begun

PRE CHORUS

CHORUS

Ain't no time for slowing down
Gimme gimme more
Baby don't stop
Got not time for makin love
Boy you make my heart stop
And my blood seems to boil
At your touch
While we're makin

CHORUS (til fade)

Your heart belongs to me Written and composed by NtsakiC Cabana

She ain't nowhere near
Looking half
As phly as me
She ain't what you wanted
All that I'm
Supposed to be
Baby you can front
Like you haven't
Lost this queen
But, but
You know that
We're supposed to be

Now baby what you want's
The total package
All in me
Is what you got
you must feel cheated
Coz she's cheap
And baby what you need
....
Is all in me

CHORUS:
Baby you can go
But you'll always know
That I am still the centre of your world
You can try hard to
Find another girl
But you know that your heart belongs to me
Baby you can go
But I'll let you know
I'll always be the centre of your world
You can go 'head and fing another girl
But she know that your heart belongs to me

Understand Written and composed by Ntsaki C Cabana

VERSE 1"
At first we were cool.
I guess you really had me fooled
I lived by your rules
Even when people said you were cruel
Now that I see who you are
I know the truth was really far

CHORUS:
How can you say
You love me
When you cannot
Trust me
I believe the two
Go hand-in-hand
How can you say
You love me
When you cannot
Trust me
I thought that you
Would really understand
That to love me
You've got to trust me first.

VERSE 2:
Whenever I'm around you
You get suspicious of my every move
And any time I see a friend
You think I'm tryna get on my groove
So now that I see you are
I know this fantasy's a farce.

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
Understand, understand.... x4
Boy now that I've seen who you are
You'll know my love is really far...

CHORUS (Til fade)

HARMONY Written and composed by NtsakiC Cabana.

SKAT

VERSE 1:
If the colour of my skin
Reflects on my within -
Then I'm dark,
But I'm strong.
I'm made for where I'm from;
And I'm beautiful.
Yeah.
Reflection of the Sun.
God made me number one.

VERSE 2:
And if the pigment of my hide
Reflects on my inside -
Well then, I'm tanned,
But I'm not tainted:
The flavour without the sin,
Yeah.
I'm brown, but I've got soul.
And yes, you're white,
You're not a ghoul.
We're shiny,
Yes we are gold.
It's the sparkle in the eyes -
I'm told

SKAT

BRIDGE:
If the crevices of this place,
They determine what's on your face:
Then you're scarred -
But you're proud
You grew.
I grew.
We grew.
Harmony...
Yeah...

SKAT

VERSE 3:
If the colour of your skin
It reflects on your within
Then you're ...?
But you're strong.
You're made for where
We
Are
From

For you... Written and composed by Ntsaki C Cabana

VERSE 1:
You are my world
My all
And when I'm with you
I can't help but be happy.
You are my love,
My life
And when I'm with you
I can't think of noone else.

PRE-CHORUS:
With you I can do anything
I get so delirious, I wanna sing

CHORUS:
For you -
What I would do for you
To hold me tight
With you -
And what I would do
To be with you tonight
Near you -
I have not fear near you
Know everything will be alright.
Love you -
And so I will love you with all my might

VERSE 2:
Baby I get butterflies
At the sound of your voice
And yet it puts me so at ease.
(Yeah)
I fall in love again
Everytime you're around
So don't you leave,
No, please, please, please, please
(No)

PRE-CHORUS:

With you I can do anything
I get so delirious, I wanna sing

CHORUS:

For you -
What I would do for you
To hold me tight
With you -
And what I would do
To be with you tonight
Near you -
I have not fear near you
Know everything will be alright.
Love you -
And so I will love you with all my might

PRE-CHORUS:

With you I can do anything
(Yeah)
I get so delirious, I wanna sing

CHORUS:

For you -
What I would do for you
To hold me tight
With you -
And what I would do
To be with you tonight
Near you -
I have not fear near you
Know everything will be alright.
Love you -
And so I will love you with all my might

Til fade...

LOVEBUG! Prose written by NtsakiC Cabana

What you know about a Sweetback love?

What you know about a LadyBug love?

Love IS the word.

All I know is love is the true route to happiness.

Love yourself enough to forgive yourself.

Love others as much as you love yourself.

Find a way to LOVE what and where you are. Though things could be better, they could also be much, much worse.

Love The World enough to respect it.

Love time. It is your friend.

Love God. He is You.

And Love LOVE. It's the only way to True Happiness!

Joy be yours.

Love, Me.

Trigger (Without a trace) Written and composed by NC Cabana

VERSE 1:
The way you walk into the club,
So sexy...
You make me think of all the things
I want to do with you.
You know you make me feel like
I'm in total paradise.
Like I'm the only girl on Earth
When I'm laying in your arms

PRE-CHORUS:
He's
So much more than just my type of man
He's
Got me thinking he's the only one
He's
He's my sanity
He's my stability
He's my trigger
Reservations gone without a trace...

CHORUS:
My baby is perfect (perfect, perfect)
6ft2, Adonis, Caramel-cocoa fine,
He's my lover, got me open like all the time
And he is so fine (so fine, so fine)
..........
And still know how to treat a lady ...
Yeah, he is my soldier
(He...)
He's my trigger
Make my knees go week
He's my trigger,
Make my knees go
Weak.....

VERSE 2:
And now we've been together for so
So so so long
And we're still kicking it
We're growing through
The right and wrong
But everytime we get the time
We still be whilin out
you keep revealing to me
What your love is all about

PRE-CHORUS:
You're
So much more than just my kind of man
You've
Got me thinking You're the only one
You're
You're my sanity
You're my stability
You're my trigger
Reservations gone eithout a trace

CHORUS:

My baby is perfect (perfect, perfect)
6ft2, Adonis, Caramel-cocoa fine,
He's my lover, got me open like all the time
And he is so fine (so fine, so fine)
..........
And still know how to treat a lady ...
Yeah, he is my soldier
(He...)
He's my trigger
Make my knees go week
He's my trigger,
Make my knees go
Weak.....

Elsewhere (Somebody else) Written and composed by Ntsaki C Cabana

VERSE 1:
Boy, I'm feeling sexy
And I need someone to dance with me tonight.
You know that I'm be pypin hot
Gonna be the phlyest little foxy lady in sight.
All night.
Boy, I want you to come close to me.
Can't you tell that I want you?
Feel me, lend me your body
And I swear I won't disappoint you.
I know that you feel it too. 
This wave of want in me is too hard for you to fight.

CHORUS:
And boy if you won't give it to me right
Then I'll find it elsewhere.
If you ain't pleasing this queen
She gonna get it from somebody else.
And boy if you don't put it on me good
Then I'll get it elsewhere.
If you won't take what I got
Then I'll give it to somebody else...

VERSE 2:
Yeah, I'ma bring the thunder
Feel it everytime my booty goes boom...
And you know I know how to use this thing
You gonna want to book seats to watch me in my room
Boy, I want you to come close to me
Can't you tell that I want you?
Feel me, lend me your body
And I swear I wont disappoint you
You don't need to get in line
As long as you get on up and make your move.

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
I want you to show me
Break it down, work me out
Control me
I want you to show me how
I want you to show me
Break me down, work it out
Control me
 I want you to show me now...

CHORUS

He's so good... Written and composed by NC Cabana

SKAT

CHORUS:
He's so good -
So good to me.
He's gentle
And kind
And of all the things:
He'll never cheat -
Never cheat on me.
I know he's true
Coz he's so good.

My mind is a palace
In which he is king.
The strongest,
The boldest,
The wildest,
The wisest thing
Since baked beans;
And I'm his South Nubian Queen.
Not even Nefertiti
Could beat me
Or unseat me
From my majestic throne.
By him I'm totally blown.
How could I have known
That this blissful symphony'd
Be playing inside of me?
I'm bringing him to his knees -
Satisfying his every need,
Through mental stimulation;
Fluttering conversation
Whispered so loud
Its enough to pause crowds.
Rewind.
Rewind.
Stop.
Play.
It's like this everyday:
The way
His matured mind
And mine
Combine,
Entwine
And bind.
They say love is blind
But my viewing's crysal clear
All year -
Yet sometimes I fear
That stuck between ages
We might just become like pages
Of ancient history text
Enabling telling what's next.
I don't want us predictable.
Wanna be irresistable
To him and the planet.
I'd gladly say him my sonnet -
He's so good!

CHORUS

Yeah x 6
What a man x 3
Yeah x 6

SKAT (till fade)

Boy you're trippin' Written and composed by NC Cabana

CHORUS:
Boy, you're trippin
Coz that's my girlfriend you're playin
With her best friend
You'd better hold back.
Know what I'm sayin?
Game is over now.
You never thought that it would end like this, huh?
Time to say goodbye.
Byebye.
Byebye, baby!

VERSE1:
I was walking down the street,
Looking sweet
When you just kissed me.
I brushed it off
And took it as though
You were being friendly
Never thought that maybe
Baby
You were tryna game me
And her

PRE-CHORUS:
Rather
Believe that
Instead of the fact
That you're a player
And never deserved her.

CHORUS


VERSE 2:
I guess I chould've known
The signs and symptoms
Were all given.
Don't you dare use that old excuse
About cheating
That you were driven
She gave you all you need
To you she's feed
her loving daily.
But now you got her thinking
Like it's her fault
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
*She would*

PRE-CHORUS

CHORUS

INSTRUMENTAL BRIDGE

PRE-CHORUS

CHORUS:
Boy, you're trippin

Boy, you're trippin,
Boy you're trippin, boy you're tripping
With her best friend
You'd better hold back.
Know what I'm sayin?
Game is over now.
You never thought that it would end like this, huh?
Time to say goodbye.
Byebye.
Byebye, player!

Celebrate!! (Good life) Written and composed by Ntsaki C Cabana

CHORUS:
Celebrate good life,
Celebrate!!
When you feel it in your soul
Celebrate good life,
Celebrate!!
When you find it you'll know
Celebate good life,
Celebrate!!
You can feel it in your soul.
Celebrate good life,
Celebrate!!
When you find it you'll know.

VERSE 1:
I am broke and in debt.
The sheriff's at my door.
I'm outta booze and ci-igarettes
And I'd really like some more.
I lef my boyfriend five months ago,
And now I think I want him back.
But I hear he's got a girl of four months
Now tell me what the hell is that?

PRE-CHORUS:
But I'm finnaly loving myself some more
And I think I'll be fine just like I was before
Coz I learning, I growing and I'm happy, ya'all
Coz I got so much to live for!!
So,

CHORUS

I've played the broken hearted girl
Yeah, the widow and the wife
I been through turmoil, tears and hurt
Seen many troubles in this life
But I know that to be where I am
I needed all that strife
And since I learned to let go of all the pain
The pleasure's become rife...?!!
(Oh, well it rhymes!!)

PRE-CHORUS

CHORUS

SKAT

PRE-CHORUS

CHORUS (till fade)

My Sexual Revolution

So...

Allegedly Pisceans are a very spiritual bunch.  A wierd and wonderful lot.  Highly adventurous.  With a playful... and very dark side.  Allegedly sensual and creative - Deeply spiritual and complex...

Okay, granted, most of that stuff is true but for me it is all about a higher plan.  Lemme break it down:

Lust - much like hunger and thirst is a natural animalistic craving.  Now, unfortunately, humans have decided that we (although, falling under the category of animal) are far too superior to all the other animals.  So far superior, in fact, that we cast shame on essential needs.  If it is natural to burp, why is it a shame to enjoy sex?

On the other hand, there's the whole "God Debate".  The church(es) would have us believe that it is more of a decree than it is a debate.  Well, whatever your opinion on it, you are entitle to hold.  Just don't judge others for theirs.  I'm just saying...

Now, my Bible-Basher compadres have great ways of making sexuality look bad.  They have every arguement in the book:


"We are living in times where the world is trying to change the standards and moral commandments that were set down by God thousands of years ago. But God is holy and just and does not change, and neither will His standards for us change or be shaped by the so-called progressiveness of this sinful world. So the question becomes who will you be obedient to? Whose standards will you follow -- God's or this world's?"

http://www.jesusisthelight.net/sexandlust.htm

Now... What to shut down first?

God IS and is ALL ABOUT change.  Why did Jesus come down?  What the eff is the beloved "New Commandment"?  Why do christians eat pork?  And MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE: Where, oh where, did these other people who facilitated the existence of the rest of humanity suddenly spring up from after Abel died and there were no other women save for his mother?  So am I to accept that incest is a normal part of a holy and devout life, however, sexual gratification with anyone that I have not forced myself to have to spend a possible eternity with is abominable in the eyes of God?

See, what the "Happy Clappies" use to their advantage is that if something is not explicitly stated in the Holy Book (Note to READER - There are scores of Holy Books in the documented history of humans and that's even before we learned how to write!! *No Offence*), then it automatically becomes WRONG!

WRONG?  However, when an individual decides to question the Churches' pop-culture, they are accused of heresy, blasphemy and being the ANTI-CHRIST!  (If that is not blasphemy, I don't know what is.)

Now, the opinion I hold is very controversial.  I, having been born and raised Catholic, would be looked down upon by alot of other Catholics and Christians for the views that I am about to share:

Firstly, the Bible, although written by the "Spirit-inspired", was compiled by The (Greater Christian) church.  The Vatican has for so long, decided what they deem as relevant to the Bible and whether or not certain books may be included or excluded.  Hence, there beng so many different version of the Bible.  The Vatican has too, sent armies to kill innocents, funded government and political agendas and in general schemed and plotted in order to make "The True Religion" seem, for the most part, immaculate. 

The Bible refers to Jesus' brothers.  In a notably different way to which it refers to His disciples.  I know that I do believe that Mary was a virgin at Jesus' birth, however the Bible neglects to tell us what explicitly happens after the era of the nativity and Jesus' "1st Miracle".  Why is it that the Church can fill-in-the-blanks, but when others hypothesize on the matter then they are heretics? Secondly.

I could go on forever about this whole Bible thing, but I would rather not. 

I believe that adultery is wrong.  Just because of the fact that there is the blatant disregard for another human's interests and security.  Pre-marital fornication on the other hand.... Well, the jury is definately still out on that one.  If you live your life honestly to the people around you and yourself, you can seldom go wrong.

Sex is beautiful.  It is life's naturalu drug.  In religous terms, God created it and ensured that it was pleasurable.  Now the only thing left is to praise Him and all existance by thanking and taking part in the joy of it (if one would like to) and to stop casting shame on the beauty that we have been given. 

But ALWAYS... responsibly.

My Creed

Do you believe...?

I've been reading up on various religions out there and that has lead me to a sort of scientific confusion but a spiritual epiphany.  Now, this is all my opinion so if it offends anyone, I apologise as that is not what it was meant to do.

Whilst all these different religions claim to be "The Right Way" - and dogmatically so, I have found that there is in truth, no smoke without fire.  Every religion has its truth.  Otherwise, it just wouldn't be.

Now - All the Abrahamic religions will sit there and gasp at the above comment.  Well like I said I mean not to offend.

See, what the Monotheistic religions (Especially the three main ones) would have everyone believe is that there is only one God.  Whilst I do not dispute that, I do believe (just as in Hinduism) that this one God has many different facets which (s)he reveals to each person in a different way. 

If humans can have different personalities, and we're made from God's likeness, then who are we to decide that God is one.

So... God is omniscient, omnipotent and all that other pretty stuff.  That's great!!! So, what? That means he can see everything all at the same time?  Why does that matter to anyone?  And why should it?  Why should we cower at the thought of God watching over us?  And yet we find solice in the notion that he is judging everyone else.  Since every religion teaches that the important bit is your relationship with your Creator/Lord-and-Master/Holy-One/Saviour or whomever else you choose to call him, why are we comforted by the belief that all other people who don't "find Him/Her" (especially  in our terms) are automatically doomed to eternal damnation?  So human...

Now consider this: All religions always preach harmony and tolerence (and this isn't a new concept - it is in every one of the religous literature that exists), yet humanity is never short of a Jihad, or Crusade or a Reconquista? 

I believe that spirituality is inate.  Just as the colour Red still remains the same, be it called Vermelho, Rouge, Rooi or Hong-se, The Divine is always the Divine; whether you say God, Allah, Yahweh or anything else.  All that matters is your relationship with Him/her/It/Them... 

Religion, on the other hand?  That is a powerful weapon which people use to enslave, degrade and vilify one another for their own personal gain.  A very controversial man once said:

-"Religion is the opiat of the masses"

That man was Karl Marx.  You decide if that is true...

Shake, Shiver, Rattle, Roll... (Written and composed by Ntsaki C Cabana)

This piece of music is a dancehall beat and is basically a ladies' jam.  The kinda music you wanna hear in a club; that all the ladies want to dance to and all the men love to ogle the ladies at.  I am dedicating this song to all my ladies, but most especially to Ms Suzanna Muka. 

CHORUS:
Ladies make it shake
And make dem boys shiva
Use ya body like a rattle
Until dey wanna roll
Yeah, shake
Ya know ya want ta shiva
Like a rattle until dey wanne roll...
We make dem roll
Roll. Cum'an den roll
Roll.

VERSE 1:
From the moment we set foot in da club
(Da club, da club)
All dem fellahs looking over at us
(At us, at us)
And I can  see dey wann a see us breakin it down
(It down)
And I ain't gonna be de one ta let dem down
(Dem down)

PRECHORUS:
No, way to fight da riddim
Gonna make it shake and dance all up on dem
Don't need another call (Huh-uh)
Because dey eyes dey said it all

CHORUS

VERSE 2
Now me and me gals jus had to show dem how its done.
(Done, done)
But dat don't mean dat tonight boy ya gonna be de one
(De one)
Coz I'm only in dis piece tryna have me some fun
(Sum fun)
So dont push up too close esle I might jus have to run
(To run)

PRECHORUS

CHORUS

BRIGDE:
:/Make it shake
Make it shake
Make it sh....
Ohhh Shiva /:

Now roll
Roll, roll
We make dem wanna roll
Roll.

CHORUS til fade.

"Green is for Go!" By Ntsaki C Cabana

Now, this is a song that describes my life and liberation.  It's also pretty emo, but its just waht the doctor ordered.  That is to say, classic wounded victim learns to BE.  I wrote this song in 2005 when I decided that I wanted to become a recording artist and break the chains that restricted that in my life... As if I did. But, in my defense, I still have more time, right?  Enjoy...


"Verse 1:

I always thought if I could play it safe,
I'd never lose,
I'd never hurt.
I never spent to much on what could be,
Believed in me,
Learned how to fly.

Pre-Chorus:
But then I looked into the looking glass.
I saw a hollow tree stuck in barren grass.
I looked inside and saw it wasn't me.
I'd have to fight to become what I should be.

Chorus:

I lived my life on amber
Coz you taght me I could never be
Anything if I just sailed away on my dreams
I sold my dreams and sailed away on a galaxy of real
Now Green is for go
When Amber was just for dreams...
Just for me.

Verse 2:

And now i sit here tryna claim it back -
The loss of time
All left behind
But it's over now, I'm so alive!
I'm finally me -
So finally free.

Pre-chorus:

Coz when I'd looked into the looking glass
I'd seen a hollow tree stuck in barren grass
I'd looked inside and seen it wasn't me
And so I fought to become what I should be!

Chorus:

I lived my life on Amber
Coz you taught me I could never be
Anything if I just sailed away on my dreams.
I sold my dreams and sailed away on a galaxy of real
Now Green is for go
When Amber was just for dreams...
Just for me.

Bridge:

I never really threw caution to the wind coz it's
A part of who I am.
It's what I've been for so long but
I learned to really live and go on what I trust because
All I knew was Amber I appreciate what it means to GO!!
GO!!
GO!!

CHORUS

I lived my life on Amber
Coz you taught me I could never be
Anything if I just sailed
Away on my dreams
Sold my dreams and sailed away
On a galaxy of real.
Now Green is for Go
When Amber was just for dreams.
Just for me

Bridge 2

No safety there for me
I need to take the risk
I got nothing left to lose.
I can't lose if I choose to stay
But can't win if i don't play.
My sun will rise today!!!

Chorusx 2 + bridge 2

till fade..."

Love what you do. And do what you love...

So, I'm starting this blog tonight... I really am not so sure if it's going to be my outlet/ journal or if its going to be random and (probably) neglected...  All I can do is wait it out and see.

I am a simple, complex person.  Confusing much?  I know, right?!! Well, regardless, I'm learning to live with and love that about myself.  Having a mental disorder (Or two) can be downright frustrating.  But it can also be a blast.  Or whatever else you make it.  I've chosen for mine to be a huge amusement park featuring "The Voices" and starring me. 

I love happiness.  I love MY happiness.  I love ME!

*Jamming "Love what you do, and do what you love...."*

Blessings from the Divine,

NtsakiC

I hate you too (Written and composed by Ntsaki C Cabana)

This is a song that I began writing in 2001 at the age of 14.  It involved a very turbulent time in my life.  Although the feelings it represents are real, it is a tad melo-dramatic (Like everything else about me), but was very valid at the time.  Tell me what you think?

You think you're the only one can fuse.
You think I'm just there for you to use?
Well you've had about enough time to choose...
Coz this is my world and in my game you're about to lose.
You smother me like fog; That's when you're glad.
You get physical whenever you're mad.
And it's gotten to the point when I'm always sad.
It's time to say bye to the best time that you've ever had...

Chorus:
And though I love you
More than you do
I hate you too
More than anyone could.
Though I love you
More than you do
I hate you too...

You think you're the only one needs care.
And when I call for you, you're never there.
In only pain and not triumph you choose to share.
Well, I can't stand by and continue to try through all these tears...
You turn to the bottle instead of me.
And this isn't how you promised it would be.
You said we'd be lovers, not nemeses.
If it don't improve, And it better be soon, I'ma have to leave

Chorus:
And though I love you

More than you do
I hate you too
More than anyone could.
Though I love you
More than you do
I hate you too...

Bridge:
I'm tired of crying,
Excusing your lying.
Inside I am dying,
You're not even trying.
Your love is bitter-sweet poison...
And I can't take it any longer so I'm gone...

Chorus +

I'm leaving on a jet plane.
Don't know if I'll be back again.
Don't count on my return, baby.
I'm leaving on a jet plane.
I don't know if I'll be back again.
Don't count on my return baby.